Kanye and Gaga = Shrug

Because of the above picture, my buddy The Black Snob is just now regaining feeling in the left side of her face.

As I look at it, all I can think is: Kanye’s not that swoll.

That’s about it.

Far be it from me to disavow allegiance to calling out fuckery–I make a living of it frankly and will probably snap about something or other in ten to fifteen minutes–but this just doesn’t bother me. It’s not that I don’t like it or will spend time defending it; it’s that I don’t really care.

Maybe it’s just me, but I think 2009 is the Year of Submission. Not submission in that people agreed to whatever was going on–the year started with The March on Washington II, transitioned into people acting a donkey at town halls and will end with people getting lumped up in Copenhagen–but rather a year in which things topped each other to the degree that, after a certain point, you just sort of shrugged and say “OK.”

This was a year that had no ceiling and apparently isn’t winding down. Stuff will continue going down until 11:59 on the 31st. Count on it.

Michael Jackson, along with every celebrity ever died, a dude shot up a military base and a serial killer’s bodies stunk up a neighborhood. And a cop shot Oscar Grant in the back on the BART platform. And the president was compared to Hitler daily. Tiger had sex with one out of every three cocktail waitresses in the United States.

Perhaps this pic has been brought to my attention far too late. As of December 21st, I can’t muster the strength to even kind of speculate as to why Dave LaChapelle wanted to make this happen. Nor can I speculate as to why Kanye wanted to carry a naked Lady Gaga, doing her best airbrushed blonde bombshell,  out of the jungle looking like a zombie Indiana Jones who spends his free time doing crunches in the antiquities wings of Egyptian museums.

I just don’t know. And I care less than I know.

So to this photo I say: OK. #KanyeShrug

Jon Defends the White Girl, et Al

Here are a few stray thoughts that defied 140-characters.

1. Since people are hard up for a racial angle in this Tiger debacle, here’s one: I think a lot of people of color aren’t actively defending Elin Nordgeren’s G status because she’s a white girl. People were obviously tickled by the prospect of her busting Tiger’s ass, but it seems that there’s a dearth of people taking up arms for her. This could be a result of the 2009’s inundation of faux-victimized white women (see: Swift, Taylor; Prejean, Carrie) that we’ve been forced to stomach. So let me be a colored who says this: Take his ass to the cleaners, Elin. You didn’t deserve that.

2. Since his wife is going to divorce him anyway, Tiger might as well curb that indefinite leave and get back to work. I imagine the PGA Tour feels the same way.

3. I’m not advocating hostile isolationism, but I do find myself wondering if a nation can be global and still mind it’s own damn p’s and q’s. I appreciate that the US has to set examples and all but…we could stand to get our own house in order.

4. When I hear about cats my age dying, especially if they have kids or are about to get married or something of that nature, I take it a lot more personally than I used to. Peace to Chris Henry.

5. There was something about the Up In The Air ads I wasn’t feeling. This seems about right.

Post-Racial is the New White

Oh snap! Barack Obama and Warren Buffett are distant relatives!

According to their family trees, the two men who at times shared the stage together during the 2008 presidential campaign are seventh cousins three times removed.

Genealogists at ancestry.com announced on Tuesday that Obama and Buffett are related through a 17th century Frenchman named Mareen Duvall.

…

The discovery was made by accident when the same team of genealogists who had researched Obama’s family tree went on to investigate details about Buffett’s relatives.

“We recognized the name Duvall and it made us wonder if this was a connection,” said Anastasia Tyler, the lead researcher on the project. “So we started focusing on Duvall.”

As much as I would like to believe this sort of thing makes news for the right reasons, for reasons to demonstrate just how close humanity really is, I’m fairly certainly this is yet another case of white people the people running things protesting a bit too much on matters of diversity.

Never do you read headlines about the various public figures of color who the Obamas may be related to. No; it’s always these white people who they are kin folk with and the tone is always one of being utterly wowed as if a biracial man and a descendant of the forced African diaspora (read: slavery) sharing relatives with white people is something to drop a jaw about.

But there’s the rub with all the post-racial confetti that’s been tossed about since November of last year.

As I said a few days ago, from the dominant culture’s perspective, the trend has a whole lot more to do with seeming an acceptable member of the dominant culture than it does with human progression that sees beyond race’s limiting confines. Shorter Pitts-Wiley: ‘Post-Racial’ is a hip, multi-culti version of white.

The Obama Memorial Side Eye Award Goes to…

This.

Cool Pic + Terrible Play on Words = FAIL

Wednesday One-Liner

"Nobody puts baby in a corner! Except to serve."

Kid, just know that your mom willingly put you in harm’s way.

Tiger Likes Becky. And?

They're not Tiger's...OR ARE THEY?

I don’t have any personal investment in Tiger Woods’ personal life. Frankly, with each new trick that takes her lunch break to give US Weekly an exclusive scoop, I find myself feeling terrible for Elin Woods and their children. A wife and children deserve better than this. Still, I have to admit I find the newfound outrage regarding Tiger Woods’ jump-off choice particularly amusing. Many Black folks have wasted little time pointing out that all of Tiger’s jump-offs have been white.

Desiree’s Disarray

All the world’s a stage and we are but players.

And somewhere among the players, there are stage managers making sure everything is in place to make the players look good.

Being a stage manager is a thankless job and those who do it are usually overly-stressed task masters with masochistic tendencies. When everything goes off without a hitch, they rarely get the credit deserved. When some prop is out of place or some light cue is too late, it’s the stage manager who hears about it first and last and until it is fixed. Oh, and stage managers get the pleasure of interacting with players, players who are often something less than a delight to deal with.

Such is the life of the people behind the people.

Uh, Lee? That’s Screwed Up

"I'm artsy, so dumb quotes are 'eccentric'. "

Tiger Woods texted me that headline.

And Tiger’s right. Despite the recent revelations about his extramarital shenanigans, I have to say, Lee Daniels is catching my Come On Nigro Award.

If you haven’t heard, the Precious director, when asked what an Academy Award would mean to him, had this to say to New York magazine:

“It’s very scary, and I’m nervous”…In a bizarre way, though, Daniels says he’s already won. “Some guy came up to me at a screening that I was at recently and he told me that he, um, was sexually abusing his 14-year-old daughter,” said Daniels. “That’s what he told me. And he was crying. To me, that is the award. There is no award on this earth that can get a man to admit that. So to me, that is my award. My award is healing. You know what I mean? I want to be acknowledged or whatever, but I’m happy with people healing.”

Um…what, Lee?

I get that you feel the personal connection with the viewer has a lot of power, but someone telling you that they are abusing their 14-year-old daughter is not an award unless it’s the Roman Polanski Lifetime Fuckery Medal. Let’s not even talk about the fact that you find Oscar prospects scary and not a stranger admitting to you that they abuse their own kid.

And healing? Someone admitting abuse is only a healing/award if you help that person stop, which should include justice for the abused since this person admitted continually committing and illegal act.

If that conversation ended in you going to the local police precinct with this gentleman and starting that process, I can maybe then see the award factor.

Since you clearly are into yourself more than a little bit, I have to imagine you wouldn’t have let a responsible act like turning this man in and getting justice for his daughter slip your mind in an interview. So…I’m gonna go ahead and assume that just didn’t happen.

Your ego’s not supposed to be stroked by parents who admit abuse to you. Especially when you’re a parent yourself.

Chris Brown’s Life Is Hard

Christopher Brown, please take the time to shut you mouth about anything and everything related to possible domestic violence scenarios.

If you all aren’t aware, Breezy has taken exception with the Florida Highway Patrol closing the Tiger Woods case. He feels everything’s so “one-sided”.

I could maybe see how Chris felt he’s been done dirty until I recalled a few things he should take into consideration:

1. The Unfair Breaks: Tiger was possibly beaten by his wife in their home and Tiger crashed his SUV on their property as a result of that possible beating. You definitely punched up your girlfriend in a rented Lamborghini on the street of a residential neighborhood.
2. 911 was called by Tiger’s neighbors as a result of hearing a car crash and being asked by his wife to do so. 911 was called in your case because people heard a young woman screaming at the top of her lungs and the authorities on the scene found a perfectly intact Lamborghini with a lumped-up pop star inside.
3. Tiger, like your girlfriend, has not and will not press charges. Since there’s the plausible (however unlikely) whole car crash scenario and since domestic violence laws being what they are, lots of times, cops have their hands tied when it comes to spousal abuse. You beat your girlfriend in a public place and fled the scene. Even if she wanted to sweep it under the rug–which she did–she was SOL, especially after the photo of your handiwork was leaked to the entire world.
4. We know you (and Rihanna) haven’t been completely forthcoming on the matter. You have careers and such to think about so…we get it. You’re protecting each other in your own way. But if things are so unfair and one-sided, you should just come clean. You’ve had every opportunity to set the record straight. And though it may do you no good, if there was something crucial to know–like her laying hands on you first–you might want to mention that fact.

I know you want to feel like comrades-in-arms with Tiger and feel like some justice should be done with regard to the abuse he may have endured. You’re kinda right. Domestic violence laws should go both ways and I’ve long felt Rihanna’s physical part in your altercation has been under-investigated, but that’s where the trail goes absolutely cold.

He didn’t beat the hell out of his wife and then flee the scene. Ass.

I’m a Due Process Fan, But…

Anthony Sowell, Cleveland rapist and serial killer who was discovered with the bodies of almost a dozen women in his house was indicted today. From the Cleveland Plain Dealer

A Cuyahoga County grand jury indicted Anthony Sowell today on multiple counts of aggravated murder and charges related to two other attacks on women, setting the stage for a trial that could lead to his execution.

Prosecutor Bill Mason and other law enforcement officials announced the charges at an afternoon news conference.

Sowell, 50, of Cleveland, faces 85 counts in total, including aggravated murder, attempted murder, gross abuse of a corpse, felonious assault, rape, attempted rape, kidnapping, aggravated robbery and tampering with evidence.

The charges carry the death penalty.

He was arrested Oct. 31, two days after police discovered two decomposing bodies at his house while investigating a rape complaint. After thoroughly searching the Imperial Avenue property, investigators recovered 11 decomposing corpses.

Ten of the victims have been identified: Tonia Carmichael, 52; Nancy Cobbs, 45; Tishana Culver, 31; Crystal Dozier, 38; Telacia Fortson, 31; Amelda Hunter, 47; Michelle Mason, 45; Kim Yvette Smith,44; Janice Webb, 49; and Leshanda Long, 25.

You already know where I’m at as far as Sowell’s discovery being a procedural boondoggle, but when I hear this guy is up on 85 charges–including eleven murders–I can’t help but get that creeping mob feeling.

As a Black person, I’m basically required to really, really, really believe in due process and rail against any attempts to deny a person that right, but eleven decaying bodies makes me feel as though you’ve waived your rights and wouldn’t want to be so disrespectful as to waste the court’s time and taxpayer dollars. Not saying it’s right; it’s just how body collecting serial rapist-murderers make me feel.

I can’t say I want to see Sowell die in a capitol fashion–I’m very much on the fence on that issue–but certain crimes make me wish we could skip the charade and throw people beneath the jail.