Gown To Perdition

I liked Michelle Obama’s lime green gloves. The rest of the outfit I could have done without. Expressing this to a friend in passing, I was nearly scoffed and teeth-sucked out of the conversation. Uh oh. I suggested that her outfits earlier in the campaign were better and as it dragged on, as it became someone else’s job to dress her, the job was not being done well. More scoffing. More teeth-sucking. A brief harangue having something to do with the First Lady being too stylish to need a stylist, too thugged out to be told what to wear by another person and, I believe, something to do with making lame beggars walk and blind men see. UH OH. Looks like time for an epistle.

St. Jonathan’s Letter to the Zealots

I traveled to Washington, DC. Stood in the cold and witnessed history along with a speech every single living American citizen needed to not only hear, but should consider playing from time to time in order to get their mind right. I traveled, I stood, I was awed and, on a completely unrelated and inconsequential note, I did not care for Michelle Obama’s inaugural outfit. It was a shoulder shrug. In my equally shrug worthy opinion, I feel she has worn superior outfits.

Did your butt get tight reading that? If so, I am afraid of you. Not because you disagreed, but because your butt got tight. If you’ve come up with a thousand reasons why I’m just a hater with no taste who hates fashion and holds a grudge against Michelle Obama, her husband, and this new day in America, I fear you. Rare is the loyalty that resorts to teeth sucks and harangues over meaningless dresses that won’t resort to similar loyalty should the defended party get in waist deep on a truly important issue. How do I know this? Because I just witnessed it happen over the course of eight years. Be careful, Tight Butts, you’re teetering dangerously on the edge of being the grade of loyalist you probably have come to despise over the last decade. Relax your butt. I urge you to remain loyal, but vigilant.

My loyal zealots: Michelle Obama and her husband are not beyond reproach. Sometimes, in the opinions of some, she will wear “meh”-inspiring dresses and sometimes, in the opinion of some, he will make “meh”-inspiring executive decisions. And all the time, someone will have something to say about it. Yes; the former is a matter of debate for frivolous conversations, but beware: it will often inform how you respond to the latter. Don’t believe me? Ask Karl Rove. He made a career off people who heard but didn’t listen; of people who played the fiddle as Rome burned.

Lime green disagreements are not tantamount to acts of sedition. Neither the First Lady nor her husband should bring an end to the possibility for healthy discourse. Their job is too important at too critical a time for you to just be glad they showed up; to think their outfits and ideas are just so perfect that to think otherwise is to be in congress with infidels. The Obamas are an utterly capable and formidable pair, but don’t allow their brilliance and capability to woo you into silence. The job of rebuilding America is too important.

Should they stumble on the path, it is you who must right them. Should they lead you astray, the burden of guilt is yours to share. To do otherwise is to repeat a history you claim to despise. A history many of you helped to create.

Rejoice, you Zealots. You have truly seen a day of victory. But the time for celebration has come to an end. Remain proud, remain loyal, remain vigilant. The journey’s only just begun.