I’m an emotional eater.
As I sit here writing this, part of me wonders what purpose is served by telling you the above, but as I near the end of this sentence, it serves the purpose of giving some direction to the mood I’m in right now. We have to have our drafts in on Thursdays around these parts and, by the time you read this on Monday, my mood will probably have changed but the Monday that you’re in right now matters less than the Thursday on which I write this.
I’ve mulled all week on what to write; what yarn I should spin for the people good enough to take a gander at what it is I think about daily. But today, the today I’m in, I have neither the energy nor the patience to come up with something clever; something that has deft turns of phrase or some redemptive call back within. Today, the today I’m in, is one in which I scramble to keep things together; it’s one in which I feel cared about but under-appreciated; one in which I seem to be about ten hands short of what I need to get things done; one in which I feel overwhelmed and don’t really give a damn about being thoughtful. So I’m just going to talk.
It would be disgustingly smug to say I’m alone in the world. It’s just not true, but that doesn’t stop the feeling of loneliness or isolation. It’s not a comfort when you’re trying to do all the right things and just can’t seem to break even, when the constant refrain in your head is to sigh and think: It’s always something…
My life is crazy right now. It’s not “trapped under a building with no means of escape” crazy, but it is definitely “this is real life and there’s no such thing as a timeout” crazy; this is “I’m going to bullet point my thoughts in the hopes of making sense of them or perhaps bullet point them as a desperate cry to the internets” crazy. Below are some observations from life since March 20th.
What I Kinda Knew: Life would be crazy around this time.
What I Didn’t Know: Life would be so effing crazy around this time.
Between getting married and preparing for a child, it seems like…everything is happening at once. My wife and I certainly precipitated much of said happening, but it’s still mind-boggling. My daily thought process looks something like this, in no particular order:
Post to Root. Blog. Update website. Waste time on Twitter. No, don’t waste time on Twitter. OK, fine, just a little time on Twitter. Get an apartment. Turn on the gas. Turn on the electricity. Move into the apartment. Turn on phone. Hook up cable. Plan shower. Plan outdooring. Get gym membership. Do I need the financial aid package? No, screw that. Well, maybe I shouldn’t screw it. Paint the apartment. Find a dryer. Renovate theatre. Get friends to perform for next season. Get a car. Get car insurance. Get life insurance. Get death insurance. Get insurance insurance. Pay taxes. How much do they want? Crap, I’ll have to pay in installments. Pay student loans. Get health insurance. Get car seat. Get stroller. Get the plastic thingy that goes over the stroller. Get bassinet. Get crib. Get diapers. Get diapers. Get diapers. Get clothes. Plan theatre company season. Get diapers. Put gas in car. Get diapers. What happens after she goes into labor? The doctors just give us the kid and say good luck? Are they insane?