Chris Brown’s Life Is Hard

Christopher Brown, please take the time to shut you mouth about anything and everything related to possible domestic violence scenarios.

If you all aren’t aware, Breezy has taken exception with the Florida Highway Patrol closing the Tiger Woods case. He feels everything’s so “one-sided”.

I could maybe see how Chris felt he’s been done dirty until I recalled a few things he should take into consideration:

1. The Unfair Breaks: Tiger was possibly beaten by his wife in their home and Tiger crashed his SUV on their property as a result of that possible beating. You definitely punched up your girlfriend in a rented Lamborghini on the street of a residential neighborhood.
2. 911 was called by Tiger’s neighbors as a result of hearing a car crash and being asked by his wife to do so. 911 was called in your case because people heard a young woman screaming at the top of her lungs and the authorities on the scene found a perfectly intact Lamborghini with a lumped-up pop star inside.
3. Tiger, like your girlfriend, has not and will not press charges. Since there’s the plausible (however unlikely) whole car crash scenario and since domestic violence laws being what they are, lots of times, cops have their hands tied when it comes to spousal abuse. You beat your girlfriend in a public place and fled the scene. Even if she wanted to sweep it under the rug–which she did–she was SOL, especially after the photo of your handiwork was leaked to the entire world.
4. We know you (and Rihanna) haven’t been completely forthcoming on the matter. You have careers and such to think about so…we get it. You’re protecting each other in your own way. But if things are so unfair and one-sided, you should just come clean. You’ve had every opportunity to set the record straight. And though it may do you no good, if there was something crucial to know–like her laying hands on you first–you might want to mention that fact.

I know you want to feel like comrades-in-arms with Tiger and feel like some justice should be done with regard to the abuse he may have endured. You’re kinda right. Domestic violence laws should go both ways and I’ve long felt Rihanna’s physical part in your altercation has been under-investigated, but that’s where the trail goes absolutely cold.

He didn’t beat the hell out of his wife and then flee the scene. Ass.