Not Too Many On The Corner Have Swagger Like…Unseasonably warm weather
I’m a simple guy who, for multiple reasons, barely gets dressed on a daily basis much less leaves the crib (thankfully, I can call myself a writer and it’s totally OK). Anyway, this week the weather in the Apple has shown some Spring-like leanings which, yesterday, forced me to forgo editing a script and venture out of doors. Pochahontas (not to be confused with The Feath) and I, after taking out the trash, had the audacity to be those mid-day walkers, those people you see milling the streets that leave you wondering why they aren’t inside working. And just in case you were wondering, we did have the requisite yupster, UES get-up. I in artiste preppy chic sunglasses, scarf and North Face, she in “I look like I’m going to jog, but I’m definitely just being sporty chic” spandex, alternate color Yale hoodie and bubble vest. The weather does strange things to people.
Ain’t But One On The Corner Has Swagger Like…Temidayo Olopade
Dayo’s a pushy dame; the Black literati-type I often despise, but can’t help but find endearing in her. An extremely intelligent person and extremely talented writer, she’s often shoving this or that writing opportunity in my face and explains to me why I’d be perfect for it and huffs in exasperation when I, at times, seem non-commital (In my mind, I think she finds me more intelligent and talented than I actually am, but hey, I let her run with it.) Like I said she’s pushy, but she’s also the kind of dame who will go to bat for a fellow writer and risk a degree of her own reputation in the name of something she feels strongly about. Chicago, stand up.
No One On The Corner Has Swagger Like… M.I.A.
I know I’ve said that famous people are not eligible, but when your swag is high for even relative to celebrity, I have to stand and take notice. Not to mention the fact that the basis for the award is due largely to her lyrics. Let me be transparent: I love M.I.A. therefore I am biased about her, but she wins the award this week for this reason: She not only performed at the Grammys on the day she was supposed to give birth, but she turned in a swagger-worthy performance on the day she was supposed to give birth and wore a “You’re damn right I’m knocked up!” get-up while doing it. With all respect to the Rap Pack and a noteworthy performance, no one on the stage had swagger like her.
QUESTION OF THE DAY
Is Barack Obama a centrist?
Get familiar with the above. It is the new reality.
If you’re on Facebook, nothing much will change via the handy-dandy import feature, BUT should you feel intrepid enough to get off the reservation, www.pittsindeed.wordpress.com is a beacon of truth in the night.
For those of you familiar with my stuff, you may be glad—or at least mildly interested—to know that said material is archived all the way back to the summer of 2005, when my writing in the modern era began in an attempt to shut the mouth of a wayward child from New York’s Lower East Side. For those of you who want to get familiar, you can peruse to your heart’s content. I’ll even in toss in a link to my work during my bright college years. If it seems like there are large patches missing between some posts, it’s OK: Sometimes I just didn’t have anything to say.
While I reserve the right to put anything I want on the site at any time, I’ll generally try to stick with a schedule—unless I have some particularly pithy rant that’s not only topical but painfully insightfully. It will look a little something like this:
The Monday Morning Get-Up
The Tuesday Gras
The Swagger Like Awards*
The Cocktail Party
*You are able to nominate for Swagger Like Awards. For rules and eligibility, click on The Manual tab. I accept nominations until Wednesday evening.
Of course, Monday through Friday we’ll have the Q du Jour. Feedback is more than welcome. In fact, for the Q, feedback is basically the point.
Now, in honor of Monday and this new website, the Monday Morning Get-Up will get a deluxe upgrade (with a special features dvd). Piggybacking the “25 Random Things” phenomenon that has swept the Facebook universe, I’ve decided to make twenty-five comments on twenty-five facts that caught my attention. Thanks to the friends who made this possible.
25 Things Y’all Need To Know
1. I love French fries. The only way I could ever really keep myself from eating them is to give them up for Lent. Attaching God and remembering the sacrifice of Jesus is really the only way to get me to stop eating them. I even wrote a college application essay about chili cheese fries (and no I didn’t get in, but from what I hear, Princeton doesn’t matter anyways). – Tiffany W.
Nobody likes Princeton. NOBODY. I mean, that’s not even a Yale or Ivy-centric statement. Nobody, in basically any walk of life, likes them. Why? Because they’re Princeton. I would try to disprove this fact or explain this further, but they’re such an insufferable group that I can only be reduced to making a someone-blew-up-the-bathroom face and sputtering unintelligible sounds of disgust, not to mention the fact that making such an effort would be less worthwhile than hitting myself in the face with a tack hammer. In other news, I love fries as well.
2. I have accosted people I thought were cool on AIM and have ended up becoming friends/hanging out in real life with all of these people. – Justine M.
While I wasn’t accosted over AIM, I did learn a thing or two about madame Justine when she refilled her cup at a party that was broken up moments before. I should mention that this refilling took place while the lights were on, most sensible people were scattering and the cops were questioning my fellows and me over said party. She did however make up for this treachery by throwing me an outstanding 21st birthday party, so we’re about square.
3. I would like to remain a MILF at least until I’m ~55. – Tameka W.
The idea of MILFs is fine until you are related to them.
4. I was once a flautist. – Tochi O.
If you can read that sentence and not muster a delightful chuckle, you should check to see if you have a reflection and/or pulse.
5. My left foot is about a half size bigger than my right, which is pretty annoying when buying shoes. I also think my left foot is ugly because my big toe was smashed by a collapsible table at the Unitarian Fellowship when I was in grade school. – Cassie H.
As you may or may not be aware, me, feet, and shoes have something of a tempestuous affair. I must admit, however, that our relationship has been neither enhanced nor diminished by the Unitarian Church or any furniture associated therewith.
6. I was born with a tooth. (I especially enjoy the reactions I get when I tell people that.) – Danielle S.
Being born with a full set of teeth is a sign of demonhood. Just saying.
7. When I think a new baby is unattractive, I don’t lie during that awkward moment when parents expect to hear a compliment about their new bundle of joy. Instead, in my sweetest voice, I say things that sound complimentary like “what a precious little somebody we have here” or “my goodness, those are some tiny hands and feet.” – Danielle S.
While the above is a cringe-worthy delight, I actually want to applaud the move because, it really is better than lying.
8. When ugly people and/or people known to have some obvious personality defect find love, it brings out the worst in me. I may not hate openly, but I simply can’t support or appreciate such relationships the way I do when beautiful people and/or well-adjusted people get together. – Danielle S.
I want to be mad at that, but you and I both probably do the same. In fact you probably did it some time in the past week.
9. I have a love-hate relationship with the word “nigga” – Danielle S.
10. I always hope that one day I will win the Powerball, yet I never buy a ticket – Greg J.
There’s something strangely poetic about that, something you might see in a book of quotes or on a Starbucks cup.
11. I have lost count of how many times I have auditioned for the Blue Man Group. I almost made it once. I will not give up. – Greg J.
I just like that he put that out into the universe.
12. I was once detained in airport security because my name was spelled incorrectly on my plane ticket and they thought I was a terrorist from Northern Ireland. My trip to Ireland this spring shall prove interesting…- Jen C.
And now you know how the other half lives.
13. When Black people mock the way I talk, I quietly judge them. – Nikita G.
This one has chapped my ass since I was about born. Call me Pilate; I judge openly.
14. On an almost daily basis, I question if going to Yale was worth it. Today, I’m in a “Maybe, but not really” phase. – Nikita G.
What’s today? Monday? I’m gonna take the under on that.
15. I maintain that Godfather III, while not the best of the series, is still AWESOME. – Adrian H.
F minus. Godfather III was AWFUL. It’s the poorly-hidden abortion in the Godfather series. I just can’t understand how people try to defend this movie. It would be a good movie if the first two Godfather’s never happened. And even then it’s not better than Goodfellas, A Bronx Tale, Donnie Brasco, New Jack City or The Next Karate Kid.
16. I desperately want to have some “work with my hands” skill in the event of an apocalypse/computer uprising followed by the enslavement of the human race. – Adrian H.
Since being a creative type has about the same financial security as a post-apocalyptic human race enslavement, I find myself wishing I too had a trade. I would choose being a barber because it’s an art that allows me to talk junk regularly.
17. When I was little, I asked my parents for a little sister. When I was almost 8, Justin was born and I asked my parents to take him back to the hospital. – Jessica P.
My existence is due to a brotherly request. Arrival: Christmas Day. Thankfully, my brother did not wish me returned to my sender.
18. I got my first cell phone at 30. While it is an absolute convenience, I don’t need it anymore now than I did then, but I get really anxious when I don’t have it on my person. – Kimberly N.
I often want to throw my phone in frustration, but instead just squeeze it firmly—but not too firmly. Phones really do have us by the balls. I’m convinced that’s why they make an obnoxious sound when turned on or off. It’s like they say, “You know you can’t live without me. You pat yourself down frantically if I’m missing for more than forty-five seconds. And because I know all this, I’m gonna blare an obnoxious orchestral swell when you turn me off before this performing arts event.”
19. My family is big on nicknames. My brother ended up with the glorious name “dave man.” I am currently stuck with being called “be crap” instead of “bec rap. – Rebecca R.
You already know what it is on nicknames.
20. I thought Neil Armstrong was black until my friend did a report on him in grade school. When my friend was little she thought Beethoven was black. I think hers is worse but of course I would think that. – Rebecca R.
21. A large part of my brain is being used to store useless celebrity trivia. I know why Johnny Depp named his son Jack but the other day at work I called myself the wrong name. AWESOME. – Rebecca R.
I am a wealth of useless information. If you’re wondering whether or not I know Jessica Alba’s daughter’s name, you don’t know me well at all. In unrelated news, I have yet to hear back from Foot Locker.
22. I have always been accused of living in my own world. In my world there is sunshine and Cadbury eggs and Bob Dylan and it never ever gets cold and the first man on the moon could’ve been black. I think my world is better. – Rebecca R.
23. I am conflicted about being a graduate student at Harvard. Honestly, I’d just like to teach at a nice liberal arts college somewhere…I don’t need a high pressure, high publish job at a research university. – Margaret B.
I live on my friend’s futon, but I totally identify.
24. Swearing is my cigarettes: I often threaten to cut down, do so, then fall off the wagon in some profanity-laden tirade, most likely about something not worth getting worked up about. – JPW
Don’t laugh. It’s pretty fuckin’ hard to do.
25. I have no bias for light-skinned girls, but I date them all the time. – JPW
I didn’t make the rules.
Question of the Day
Are televised awards ceremonies obsolete?
**DON’T FORGET TO NOMINATE FOR SWAGGER LIKE AWARDS**